All the way before
by Semicolins
Summary: His breathing was uneven, the discomfort growing on his chest. Haylem worked behind him, and he watched, mesmerized as the hair she cut made him look like a real man, and how slowly, the two lumps on his chest disappeared. She rested her chin on his shoulder. Smiling largely at his reflection. "Better?" He took in a breath, looking at her, and he smiled. "Absolutely."
1. Chapter 1

Krem jumped, a light knocking on the window that felt like thunder in the dead silence. He looked uneasily to the window of her simple room, from his simple house. It was a hard enough life being poor, and living in Tevinter, harder when you hate yourself, and the thing that topped it all off was the fact that he became friends with the daughter of a powerful noble. Well, more like a good friend of hers had a crush on Haylem, and then they slowly started to develop a relationship, and everyone else was dragged into the damn situation.

 _I'm not complaining._

Krem smiled at the thought that went through his mind, pressing down the dress on his body and he practically pranced to the window. Pitch black outside, unable to see anything outside, because of the light inside.

But he could feel kind eyes focused on him.

The window cracked open, Krem's muscles protesting as it jammed half way up. A gentle chuckle came through the window, and fingers came up from underneath the window, close to his hands. "A'right, pull..!" Her voice was a little rough, but in it's own way it was kind.

It groaned under their combined strength, and threw up in one protest, slamming against the top of the window frame, making him gasp, taking a step back. He heard laughter, and two legs dropped into his room.

The light was soft, but his heart melted when he saw her creep in. Dressed in boy's clothes, it was still obvious what her gender was. Wide hips, but her chest was rather flat. Much like he wish his was like. Her hair however.. chaotic, thick and black, almost glossy. She rarely did anything with it besides brush it, natural thick curls that got in her face, kind brown eyes and natural dark Tevinter skin. Yes.. He smiled widely, bringing his hands behind himself, sloping his shoulders. He didn't have that natural beauty… he didn't want it. He admired it.

"Kremmy!" She breathed quickly, shutting the window after her and then she launched herself at him. Smiling widely, a smile he wish he'd never forget and they held each other tightly, in a hug full of a strange affection, their relationship was undefined.

It felt good. To have pressure on his skin, feeling her warm body against his, and he pressed his face into her neck, feeling vibrations go up as she laughed softly. "Good to see you, Haylem." "Aw, you're a sweet heart." Her hands pressed against his shoulders, and they looked at each other. He took in her slightly crooked nose, from too many falls, a little flat on her face, and a crooked smile, but that was just her.

"So…"

Haylem barely batted an eye at the hovel he called home. Swallowing as she just.. fell, on the bed. Bringing herself up to sit, raking fingers through the hair he loved to braid. She smiled at him, patting the bed next to her.

"So."

He did, feeling his skin crawl. She stared at him, and he swallowed, flattening his dress once more. "..I missed you, those damn nobles.. They expect us, I mean, well… me, to be a proper girl.. I don't want to be." She rolled her shoulders back, and then rested her head on his, making his heart skip a beat. "Sodding dresses, proper language. 'Please and thank you?' No! Not to them.." He laughed at her then. They had so much in common.

"I wish you'd be a rebel with me.. dressing in these clothes," She launched a leg up, making him laugh even louder as she grabbed it, shooting him a seductive grin that was just plain funny. "It really shows off the legs!" His shoulders shook, and he looked down, he wasn't really feeling it, not tonight, at least.

She noticed.

"Kremmy?"

He didn't respond, frowning deeper, he brought his hands together. A deep sigh escaping him.

"Krem?"

She put a hand on his, staring at him with worried eyes. Care, affection. She cared.

He bit the inside of his cheek. "Nothing.. It's nothing." "Bullocks. What is it? Please tell me.."

He looked up at her worried tone, her voice urgent. Those brown eyes just stared at him. "..I just.. I wish I could be like you, you know? You can get away with anything thanks to your blood. I'd be belted if anyone found _me_ in men's clothing.."

He saw it, right on the tip of her tongue. But she didn't say it. She smiled. "..Well.." Her eyes darted away only for a moment. Suddenly, gentle lips pressed against his cheek, she was so close.. he could smell her mother's perfume. "..Frankly Krem.. I find you to be incredibly manly." He snorted. Disbelief going through him, he just tisked.

"Hey! I'm not just saying that!" "Yes you are.." "No!" She grabbed his cheek, making him jump, pulling his face to look at her, his own squashed in her hand. Her gaze was stern, her face not as close any more, she just stared at him. "...I.."

She let go of his face, her eyes growing wide and her hands flew up in the air as a dramatic sign of defeat. "I cannot believe you!" She stood up, the bed bounced. She was there, and then she wasn't. Standing up, pacing across the floorboards, she grunted, and he watched in awe. The sudden _energy_ in the room knocked him out of the mood, slapping him almost.

"You.. I.." She paced, looking at him with stern eyes and then she'd turn back and forth again and again. "..You fight, so hard Krem! You're amazing! You're strong, you're courageous, why does it matter that you're born with tits! You're more man than they are, Krem! Just because you wear a dress doesn't mean piss!" She walked to him, quick and he tilted his head up, staring into her excited eyes, her grip on his hands was tight, energetic, calloused.

"Come on Krem.. You can't possibly believe that bull, could you?" He swallowed down his words. "..N-.. I.. I don't know?"

As she climbed on the bed again, she rested it on his lap, sighing out. "You are a man, Krem." "..I feel like one, but I'm born with… these…" One of his hands went to his chest, two lumps hidden away underneath his outfit. "That doesn't mean anything.. we have no control over our bodies.. Remember Selvin? He was probably the most girly boy in the world, and he's happy wearing a skirt." "His parents flogged him." "DOESN'T MATTER." Her voice was sharp on that one, making him flinch.

She laughed, a bright laugh that filled his chest with that feeling. ".hah.." She smiled at him again, her eyes growing soft. Those deep brown eyes… He sighed, tilting his head to the side, watching her. They stared at each other for a long moment. "..Are you.. Are you still thinking about passing in the military?"

His back went straight. "...Maybe." "Krem.." "Yes." She turned straight, hunched over herself and she rubbed her eyes. "I'm scared for you, that's all…" She said meekly. He brought a hand to her shoulders, rubbing her back gently. "I know.. I know, Don't worry about me." "Of course I'll worry about you, Krem. You're the only friendship that I really, really want to keep. Piss on my parents, it terrifies me to think of you getting hurt.." He wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin on her shoulder, leaning his body on hers, which only made her sit up a little more, knocking their foreheads together.

"Yeah."

"So.."

A hand was on his hip, he saw a grin split across her face and then she pushed him down roughly on the sheets, falling next to him, curled up cutely, using his arm as a pillow. Her arm was around his waist, staring at him with a curious expression, the same one he had on his face. "What?"

"..If you're planning to go in like a man…" She propped herself up on her elbow, long hair falling down, and he brought a hand up to those curls. He tensed slightly, trying not to make it visible but he didn't like where those words were.. "Like the man you are.." She corrected, pushing a lock out of her eyes. "..I am so going to cut your hair. what a shame.. I kind of like it long.. but you know, we can define that jaw anyways. That'll be a good thing for you.. Oh! And I can show you how to bind.. the **proper** way, Krem. Not through those damn wraps. That'll break your ribs.."

"What do you know about binding?" He questioned, raising a brow. She snorted. "When I hit the age thirteen, and the lumps started growing from my chest? I was scared out of my mind because I didn't know what the hell was happening to me.. I couldn't connect the dots that women have tits so.. I found out how to bind, hurting myself in the beginning until I found better ways-" "Wait," he sat up a little. "You bind?" "Nah, not anymore.. I bound them while they were developing, ya know? They.. They didn't grow anymore.." "Oh."

They fell on the bed again, staring at the ceiling together.

"..Things.. things will get better, for me, right?" He asked, uneasy. He wanted to hear her say everything would be okay.. to be encouraged. She sniffed him out on his true feelings before he had a chance to cover it up. And she embraced him fully. Even calling him a man, while he still had long hair, and wore a dress. Of course, never in front of the guys. She didn't want to put him in a weird position. "Of course, Krem. Otherwise, they'll have me and my name to go against. I swear it." He laughed slightly, it only grew as a shadow went over him, she crawled on top, aiming for the candle on the bedside. "Thank you, Haylem." "Why are you thanking me? I'm saying the truth.." "Whatever." The light went out at a soft breath. Then the warm body came to his side, they dove under the covers together, breathing shakily as they couldn't see one another. "..Don't worry Krem. You'll break their teeth if they try to get you." He laughed one last time at that, calmness sweeping over them.

"Thank you, Haylem.."

"Mm. I'll kidnap you in a few days, we can work through it together.. Deal?"

He smiled in the pitch black, holding her close, the warm body in his arms and he felt a hand go against his chest, as she rested there.

"Deal."

Deal.


	2. Chapter 2

Note: HI! So, I'm not sure if the edited version of my first chapter came up or not.. but. I do not own Dragon age. I think this is going to be a story where piece by piece Krem becomes what he is. The next few chapters are going to be short and sweet, I hope you enjoy!

Krem's eyes were closed, bringing in shaky breaths as the scissors slowly went across. The strange static noise, unique, only to the cutting of hair. His head was growing increasingly lighter. His chest hurt slightly, from the pressure on it. Even though they haven't even started on binding.

"Are your eyes closed?" Haylem asked, her voice calm. "Yes." He replied, but his was breezy. His head was light, and not because of his hair. This didn't feel.. _wrong._ Just odd. It felt like a dream coming true. He heard a soft chuckle, and fingers raked through his hair, and he realized how short it was. "Ah, you really do have the jaw for this, Krem." He laughed at that. A real laugh. Calmness washing over him.

"Really?"

"Absolutely."

Scissors came across him again, and a razor to clean up the sides. There was a sharp feeling in his side, he didn't like the razor. Too close to his head. Made him uncomfortable. He swallowed, not saying anything, staying as still as he could, and listened to her breathing. Her hands working through his hair, occasionally giggling.

The seat was actually very comfortable, regardless on how it was made of wood. It was shaped perfectly for a body to sit in it. The large mirror in front of him. He was still in a dress, which didn't make him all that happy, but hey, you get what you get.

Plus, she had _tons_ of outfits picked out for him. It was a little difficult to find his size, but they were of similar build, so that helped.

Her breathing was calm and shallow, but it comforted him. "Wait.." She stopped her movements, a little bit of confusion wafting through the air. He smiled, lifting his leg and he sank into the seat more. Suddenly bringing out a loud laugh with her.

"Comfortable?" "Absolutely."

He could practically feel the smile, especially when he leaned his head back on the chair, his neck extended, but he felt like dozing. A crooked smile on his face. The pressure of the wood, being warm from the sunlight was nice. It was a beautiful day. Especially in the massive mansion that was her family's home.

"There... Spike it up a little." he felt her hand rake through his hair, messing it all up, and they both giggled, his face tensed, little tickling sensations going across his face from loose hairs. She lifted his head up, draping her arms on his shoulders, the pressure was honestly relaxing. "Alright Krem.." She was nervous, he could tell.

"Open your eyes."

He did.

The person staring in the mirror, was definitely not what he used to be. This was the face of a man. She was right. He did have the jaw for this. In the mirror, small dark brown eyes stared back at him, a smile going across his mirrored face that only grew. His hair was short, shaved on the sides with only slight length, and longer on the top. It looked good on him. "I.."

"Do.. Do you like it?"

Nothing could express the relaxation in his chest. How calm he was, he felt fulfilled. Just.. blissful. He didn't even pay attention to the dress. Leaning forward to inspect himself. She leaned back, he saw in his peripherals that she crossed her arms, but she was smiling. He pushed a hand tentively through his hair, and smiled even bigger. It hurt his face to smile this wide. But he couldn't help it.

"...It's amazing. I've never been happier." His words were so true, a tension going into his throat. It strained his voice, his eyes watering. "Aw, Krem.." He finally looked at her. Her eyes full of affection, and she launched forward, hugging him tightly around the shoulders.

He looked at her, and then back at his reflection. He couldn't get over how different he looked. And how happy he was to look the way he does. This time, he moved his head. He was the one to kiss her. A pressured kiss on her cheek, and he felt the vibrations of her laugh through it.

"Don't think we're done, sir." She said cutely, letting go and she stood up with a Cheshire grin. "I still have some things to do with you!" He grinned larger, looking at the pile of clothes on her large bed. She clapped her hands, and then rubbed them together. "Heh.. Let's do this."

He was up out of that chair faster than anything. At her elbow, still pushing his hands through his hair. It felt so short, didn't get stuck. It felt smooth, no knots.

"Yeah. Let's do this."


	3. Chapter 3

The tightness on his chest was aggravating, and... this situation..

Awkward.

He stood in front of a full body mirror, Haylem behind him, working her magic on his breasts. He swallowed, still mesmerized by the difference she made on him. She really did know what she was doing.

Occasionally she would peek over his shoulders, dark brown eyes flickering across his face in the reflection, and he'd see her cheeks move as she smiled before she darted back behind him.

There was a zip, and the tightness increased on his chest. She hummed quietly, and he listened to her, barely making a sound. Her fingers worked smoothly. She's done this a thousand times on herself. A specially designed corset, just for this sort of thing. He swallowed again, and the sounds stopped. He was left in silence, staring at himself.

"Alright... sideways." Her voice was small, and his feet moved. Turning his body to the side, but his head didn't move. His eyes locked on to his chest. Flat.

She stepped off the platform nervously, her hands behind her. A growth of pride swelling in her gut. Seeing him this happy... a rare sight. He wasn't even smiling.

She could just see it in his eyes. A bright new color. A beacon of hope. _I can be a real man._ She shook her head slightly at her own thought. He was a real man.. He just needed to understand that. She swallowed lightly, her own binder rather tight. But she wasn't really willing to share that fact with Krem right now.

"..."

He finally turned his head, slow, his eyes darting around before focusing on her, she smiled at him as he brought a hand up to his chest. It was tight, hard to breath, but oh so worth it.

"...Can you... Show me how to do that again?" He asked breathlessly. As though he just watched someone walk on water. Her lips quirked. Who in oblivion could do that? "Of course." She answered simply, stepping back up on the platform. He was watching her. It was like she grew a new light. Beaming with happiness but not grinning like she usually does.

She cleared her throat, standing in front of him and she started undoing the corset, tugging it down and avoiding his eyes as he watched her face. A heat grew over his neck, blush crossing his cheeks and he looked up straight.

"...In all honesty, and I hope you won't kill me for this but... I think I'll miss you in a dress."

His eyes snapped back down, and his eyebrows snapped up.

"Huh?"

She pulled the corset off of him, and he sighed in relief, the tightness fading, but he was reluctant to face his reflection.

"You were cute with long hair and a dress. But hey," She looked him in the eye, a smirk playing over her lips, and she went back around him again, taking his hands and putting the corset in them. "You're one hell of a handsome man, anyways."

He couldn't help but grin, and they went over it one more time. His clumsy fingers going over her hands, each one calloused. He swallowed a lump that formed in his throat and she chuckled. He looked over his shoulder to see her smiling at him again.

It was quiet. Peaceful. Light streaming in. He took in a deep breath and nodded as she slowly worked his hands with her own.

If only it could stay this way.

Note: HI! Sorry.. this one's kind of simple I'm juggling a lot from school and the other stories.. but, I think this one is cute anyways xD Hope you enjoy!


	4. Chapter 4

Note: HI! Okay, okay. So. I have a little.. explaining to do. This story is basically just a dead end. I'm sorry. I'M NOT GOING TO GET RID OF IT.. But I'm definitely going to redo it a little. This has gone back and forth from story to drabble and almost story again and it's bothering me. It has no place to go! SO. I'm going to be redoing this piece by piece, the story of Krem and Haylem. I'm so so sorry if this inconveniences you guys but it's annoying the crap out of me. SO! This is going to be on pause for a bit until I get this crap straightened out. Alright? Alright!


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